thirsted | SALTBURNT

Well, I'd hate for it to be the other way around.

Hard not to feel like a bunch of rats in a maze, huh? Can't possibly imagine how long this will go on.

I'm glad you're well. And - I'm especially glad no one else tried to drag your name through the mud after all the unpleasantness last week.

[there's a delay on answering the last bit though.]

They came for - someone I care about deeply. Caught it in time and stopped it, but the what-ifs...christ, those'll really kill ya.

You know, you do have a way with words.

The rats at least get a little treat at the end of it all. Here, we suffer the indignity of having to think about our damned teams when death comes knocking at our door on a weekly basis.

[ Similarly, there's a pause on Astarion's end before a full response comes through. ]

I'm sorry, Hawk. The one thing worse than helplessness is fear (though I wonder sometimes if they are the same monster wearing two different masks). The fear you might not be able to stop it again, the fear of knowing that there is, in fact, a wrong decision.

But I'm glad, too, that you managed to save them. Tim, wasn't it?

Throwing us a party is getting kind of old when we get one of those every other month. No offense to the Balfours or Giles, I guess. You ever wonder if they're stuck here just as much as we are too?

I'm not one for optimism and I'm not about to start now - but this either ends when we catch the wolves or when they've got no more bodies left. I'm thinking we've got the better odds, if only slightly.

Hey - now who's the one with words? [if they were together in person, he'd be offering a commiserating smile.]

Think you're right, though. I dunno about you, but I'm tired of living with it.

...Yeah. Tim. He's from home. The only man I think I've ever felt this way about. [astarion spilled his guts - unwillingly - it only seems fair to return it.]

You think any more about what I said last time by the way?

I suppose I always just assumed they own the house, ergo they've created whatever little world this is. But that's not mutually exclusive to their being trapped as well, though one imagines they might say as much to us if it were truly the case.

I daresay any soul that hasn't of it is either crushingly naive or deserving in some way of the hells this place manages to spin up.

[ Hawk's confession as to how much he cares about Tim gets a pause. (Astarion thinks of the boy he'd let go — of the year spent in a coffin afterward.) ]

All the more reason to be grateful for his safety. I've only spoken to him the once, but he seems a clever sort. And lucky, to have you, as you are to have him.

And I have, but ... I think now might not be the best time to try to broach such a subject. Perhaps once all this is said and done.

Don't tell me you were thinking of offering.

Would have thought the same thing - at least, you remember that gladiator party? Were you here then? Up until that, I figured they were all in on it. And then...one of them got hurt too. Rosie. She's still young - she doesn't seem like she's got the same hangups as the rest of them. Not yet anyway.

I'm grateful for yours too, you know. [his safety, his grace in letting them have this conversation at all.] Though, I'm starting to think prison might be the safer option here.

Maybe you're right. But if the last few weeks have taught me anything, it's that I'd rather go down living something more authentic than I was. I hid parts of myself - the parts that care about Tim - for years. I'm done with all that now - what's the goddamn point when we might all die tomorrow?

So sure, I'd offer. If you're interested. And if you're not, I'm willing to bet there's plenty here who are.

That was before my time, I think. How strange — maybe they were just here first?

You're sweet, Hawk. And difficult to argue with on that point. The dungeons do seem safer, if also a rather stifling prospect.

[ The last few lines of Hawk's message give Astarion pause. The idea of living authentically is a nice one in theory, but one he struggles with all the same. Hiding parts of himself is the only way he knows how to survive. And as if that weren't enough, Hawk's offer, given so (seemingly) easily, comes as a shock. Are you sure seems like a pathetic response, in that light, and so— ]

I'd be lying if I said I had no interest. But I'll ask you again, when the time comes.

Thank you. For listening, and for offering.

SALTBURNT | inbox.

im sry life ate me again

oh that was you i saw in life's stomach

waving sadly thru the guts

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